Wednesday, October 27, 2010
So... I have to do it... I have to talk about how my husband's parenting and zero tolerance... is frustrating and upsetting the family. My husband.. tries at many things.. but parenting is a struggle.. He had a son before we were married.. and he had difficulties there... and he struggled...to bond with him.. He is a name caller, my husband... and that is a quality.. that upsets me. HE is always telling my son... think about it.. do you have a brain in there???? or Do you have to have a fit about everything???? I say things I wish I didn't at times.. but my husband is a constant.. and he tells my son... I don't like being with you if you can't listen and do as I say... Tough love????
Jaggedness- means something irregular like a bump or a crack in a smooth place or object.. I felt like tonight's pumpkin carving... became Jaggedness...in a metaphorical way. My son and I had had a good day... I had taken him out early from school and took him to a Leo Lionni puppet show.. and we had done homework with little problems... and rode bike's with few frustrations.. but the Jack-o-lantern... carving is always hard,... I had a plan.. my son would do all the dots... with those tools.. and I would do the sawing with the blades.. my husband...kept yelling and complaining... to my son..
It made my son upset....and my son said.."why did you invite daddy to carve with us." so sad to hear a 5 year old say that.. I said," I don't have to invite daddy he lives here... he wanted to help." My son said," He didn't help."...I know it's important to include him... and sometimes without me.. and I try...but then my husband...tells me I can't spend time with him I have no patience for his many meltdowns....and antics....I have my husband come to all the doctors when he can... but he still has trouble.. with the diagnosis...
I have tried to give him tips for success
* I try to have predictable schedules
* I try to structure everything
*I try to prepare my mind, my workspace... and any problems that could happen ahead of time.
*I try to not go on long explanations to my husband or son... but a short speech
*I have to pay attention to sensory input.. noise, smell, lighting....for my son.. as he acts differently... depending on these...
*I have tried to teach my son and husband coping strategies... for anxiety provoking events.. but I am still learning...
*I try to be organized... but remember I have ADHD... so it's tough
*I try to have my son and husband do things together like gardening... harvesting... etc... and I try for my husband to see my son's strengths....
Recently a health care worker asked me what my son's strengths are... and I couldn't think of any.....? I was so embarrassed and upset with myself.. I know all his deficits... but I love him.. just the same. She said,"what about his willingness to get on the bus without tears... from the first day on.. and to come here.. and visit with me alone...I agreed... and then told her he has a terrific memory.. and he loves adventure.. and he separates well... so finally I thought of some.
SO if you are carving a pumpkin into a Jack-o-lantern with your ADHD child.. I hope you have no jaggedness.. and just a smooth... pumpkin with a great face....
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
I love to go to the web and read the latest emagazine...
While reading the articles ... I saw that there was a little contest... for one of the commenter to comment.. and win a new book entitled Shut UP about your Perfect kid...a survival guide for ordinary parents of special children...
By Gina Gallagher and Patricia Konjoian...I received it yesterday.. and when everyone in my house went to bed... I devoured it.
If you have never heard of Emily Perl Kingsley... and you have a special needs child... You will enjoy her Welcome to Holland section of the book.
There was a lot of terrific autistic websites:
I loved the whole book and it's funny take on life with a child with a disability.. but the ADHD celebrity mention.. was fun
Charles Schwab (dyslexia)
Whoopi Goldberg (dyslexia)
Michael Phelps (ADHD)
Terry Bradshaw (ADHD)
Ty Pennington (ADHD)
Orlando Bloom ( ADHD)
Wood Harrelson (ADHD)
I never win anything.. and what fun to win... a special needs book.. I usually have to save money left over from the groceries.. to buy myself any self-help and special needs books... the library does not always have ones I NEED to read...