Jack-0-lantern...jaggedness

So... I have to do it... I have to talk about how my husband's parenting and zero tolerance... is frustrating and upsetting the family. My husband.. tries at many things.. but parenting is a struggle.. He had a son before we were married.. and he had difficulties there... and he struggled...to bond with him.. He is a name caller, my husband... and that is a quality.. that upsets me. HE is always telling my son... think about it.. do you have a brain in there???? or Do you have to have a fit about everything???? I say things I wish I didn't at times.. but my husband is a constant.. and he tells my son... I don't like being with you if you can't listen and do as I say... Tough love????




Jaggedness- means something irregular like a bump or a crack in a smooth place or object.. I felt like tonight's pumpkin carving... became Jaggedness...in a metaphorical way. My son and I had had a good day... I had taken him out early from school and took him to a Leo Lionni puppet show.. and we had done homework with little problems... and rode bike's with few frustrations.. but the Jack-o-lantern... carving is always hard,... I had a plan.. my son would do all the dots... with those tools.. and I would do the sawing with the blades.. my husband...kept yelling and complaining... to my son..
It made my son upset....and my son said.."why did you invite daddy to carve with us." so sad to hear a 5 year old say that.. I said," I don't have to invite daddy he lives here... he wanted to help." My son said," He didn't help."...I know it's important to include him... and sometimes without me.. and I try...but then my husband...tells me I can't spend time with him I have no patience for his many meltdowns....and antics....I have my husband come to all the doctors when he can... but he still has trouble.. with the diagnosis...
I have tried to give him tips for success
* I try to have predictable schedules
* I try to structure everything
*I try to prepare my mind, my workspace... and any problems that could happen ahead of time.
*I try to not go on long explanations to my husband or son... but a short speech
*I have to pay attention to sensory input.. noise, smell, lighting....for my son.. as he acts differently... depending on these...
*I have tried to teach my son and husband coping strategies... for anxiety provoking events.. but I am still learning...
*I try to be organized... but remember I have ADHD... so it's tough
*I try to have my son and husband do things together like gardening... harvesting... etc... and I try for my husband to see my son's strengths....
Recently a health care worker asked me what my son's strengths are... and I couldn't think of any.....? I was so embarrassed and upset with myself.. I know all his deficits... but I love him.. just the same. She said,"what about his willingness to get on the bus without tears... from the first day on.. and to come here.. and visit with me alone...I agreed... and then told her he has a terrific memory.. and he loves adventure.. and he separates well... so finally I thought of some.

SO if you are carving a pumpkin into a Jack-o-lantern with your ADHD child.. I hope you have no jaggedness.. and just a smooth... pumpkin with a great face....

I won!!!

I love to go to the web and read the latest emagazine...
Additude www.attitudemag.com
While reading the articles ... I saw that there was a little contest... for one of the commenter to comment.. and win a new book entitled Shut UP about your Perfect kid...a survival guide for ordinary parents of special children...
By Gina Gallagher and Patricia Konjoian...I received it yesterday.. and when everyone in my house went to bed... I devoured it.
If you have never heard of Emily Perl Kingsley... and you have a special needs child... You will enjoy her Welcome to Holland section of the book.
There was a lot of terrific autistic websites:
www.autismgear.com
www.do2learn.com
www.buttonsandmore.com
www.child-autism-parent-cafe.com
www.lucasworks.org
I loved the whole book and it's funny take on life with a child with a disability.. but the ADHD celebrity mention.. was fun
Charles Schwab (dyslexia)
Whoopi Goldberg (dyslexia)
Michael Phelps (ADHD)
Terry Bradshaw (ADHD)
Ty Pennington (ADHD)
Orlando Bloom ( ADHD)
Wood Harrelson (ADHD)
I never win anything.. and what fun to win... a special needs book.. I usually have to save money left over from the groceries.. to buy myself any self-help and special needs books... the library does not always have ones I NEED to read...

searching

Welcome to my small new blog... I am searching for other mothers... and fathers who have special needs children.. I would like to follow you.. and I hope you want to follow me.
I have just begun this journey of... blogging..and need some other moms to keep me company.
So if you are a mom... especially a mom with a child with A.D.H.D. or NF1 and want to come visit me from time to time.. I would be grateful. Hope we get some new friends this Friday.
Have a great weekend.

brew

It is time for me to get a recipe out...



a recipe of how to handle the new seasons of my son's life in Kindergarten, as he deals with transition, medicine... and symptoms of A.D.H.D and NF1.
I need to get my spices in order.....
For this new brew... I will need
Patience- with his behavior as he adjusts to new things
Gratitude - that his NF1 is at bay.. for now.. Nf1 brings a list of concerns for me.. but I try hard to put it in a comfortable place in my mind...
Celebration- I will pick this spice up more often.. and try to celebrate more of his milestones..first bus ride, first field trip without me.. first hit over the fence in baseball.
research- I always over use this spice...but I feel it helps me be a proactive parent.
Lots of instinct- I think mother's do a lot on instinct...and I will use a lot of it in this new fall brew.

I will mix all these ingredients together to get a sweet smelling and savory mix.
The mix with be me making the magic of my son's interests of the week...taste great to us.. as a family...
I will give him extra hugs... and try to limit the yelling
I will try not to obsessively dwell on his future or shortcomings... or what could happen.. and just relax and have a nice taste of the brew... and all it has to offer...

parenting

Parenting is a humbling experience. My son is easy to love but so hard to parent. I try to follow my instincts as a mother and a teacher... I was a pre-k and K teacher for over 15 years...My son has just started Kindergarten...
I am worried that my son will be a mini me.. at school.. I never got in trouble... ( well, he already has been kicked out of dance, and violin last year- for not focusing) but I don't want him to loose his homework after spending time doing it... I was a very disorganized student.. and I don't want my son to feel the pain of searching high and low for thins. I have set up a desk.. with all the necessary supplies to make homework time more organized. It is only the 3rd day... and so he has not had any homework from the teacher but every night I give him one little job to do.. Sometimes it's practicing his name.. sometimes it's identifying numbers or cutting coupons... I say words and ask him to tell me the first sound.. BUG bbb what sound does bug start with?????
I dread to ever learn that my son is not meeting expectations of his teacher. Life is painful for students who don't meet adults expectations. My self-esteem has always been the root of this.. my father always said.. You are so unorganized.. don't you know where this is or that is?
I have learned that school is not like it was when I went... students have more work, their days are more fragmented.. he goes to O.T. and there is a sense of pressure if you make a mistake. I have learned over the way a few tips I will share today.. on how to keep your child organized this year...
* Try to teach your child not to carry home everything... especially middle school and high school students..
* help them empty back pack daily and check for assignments..
* help them put homework in the same folder daily... to and from school
*If your child does not have innate organizational skills try to tell the child every place as home...
Homework time is hard for any A.D.H.D child
* * Don't approach your child on organization first thing in the am or late pm
**When you start homework if the desk is not neat or clean from the last time..don't bring it up.. when you are about to start homework.
***Help your child own the process... the time after snack or after 1 bike ride...
let them pick supplies..
***limit the distractions..Try not to answer the phone when helping your child do homework..
**The less you say, the better. If you can refrain from commenting.. on negative things...
**Give positive feedback..

chaos or calm

I spend lots of time thinking about animals and parenting... My son loves to ask me about what animals "parent" and what lay eggs or give birth and go. Swallows.. stay and help the babies for awhile...



I believe... salmon and snakes are suppose to just go with instinct to survive.. Being a mother.. especially a mother of a special needs child.. be it down syndrome...www.kellehampton.com this is a mother of 2 girls.. who has over 6,000 followers.. and appeared on CNN after she announced on her blog.. that her 2nd daughter had downs, and she did not know till she was born.. she humanizes the syndrome.. and is a joy to visit every day. but there are others...

a mother of a daughter with chiari malformation, syringomyelia, amblyopia...
http://haileyagainstallodds.blogspot.com

some only a child like my son with Adhd.. http://adhdmomma.blogspot.com or many other things that make your child a special needs child... it becomes harder and harder to just let them use their instincts... We have created a complex culture...so I turn to experts... to help with some of my worry and questions.. and I turn to other blogs.. the above ladies.. have helped me.. Because my son also has Neurofibromatois... www.ctf.org. and so he could get tumors ... on his face.. internally... and it can be life threatening... I try not to think about this... I do think about how children would be mean and cruel to him... if he was "different" looking.. People need to embrace differences...
This blog is a place for a.d.h.d mom's or special need mom's to come .. or anyone.. but don't come and give us your sympathy or your sadness.. come and share with us and be happy... in the life we have created...no matter how difficult.. I am not saying you can't rant or rave a little.. that is healthy.. I believe...
I know a special needs mom can feel her life is a life of chaos.. Household chaos, school chaos.. family chaos.. but I hope to be able to learn from these bloggers and from my experiences... that the emotional drain of a chaotic household... needs to stop at times... and we need to stop issuing ultimatums, and barking directions... and understand... the reality of having an unpredictable child.. My son is emotionally volatility.. he gets frustrated easily.. depressed and angry.. so I try to keep him interested with walks, hikes, crafts.. and new experiences.

Moms get help

SO most of my life I felt like I was on a roller coaster or wanting to be on one.. I was searching for that ..... excitement..... Or I was drowning.... from that roller coaster that went so fast it flew into water..... In over my head feeling..



SO in my years as a adult... I am finally getting more organized thanks to my diagnosis... and to the Internet....
I have tried to do the following.. to help myself as a mom.. and to help my A.D.H.D son...


1. Organize my home...
I write down appointments on the calendar... I have a chalk board for daily... I have a menu for the days food, and a running shopping list... I plan meals monthly... I have to-do lists...
2. set up a morning routine... up, bathroom, breakfast, face and teeth brushed... dressed ...than TV
3.I get up 30 or more minutes before my son.. so I can check his backpack... and prepare my purse and or backpack... if we are going hiking.... etc...
4. I have tried to organize my discipline and I am not as much as a dictator as I have been in the past... I let him pick some punishments... I DO PICK MY BATTLES...
5. I stay in the loop when it comes to my son's school.. I have the teachers email.. and I follow themes, and try to communicate through a notebook or via email...
6.YOU must establish a homework routine.. same time, same place...eat a snack first..have a little down time first... and then start the focus...
7. This is the hardest one for me... Stay Positive
It is hard for me to compliment good behavior.. as my son forgets, looses, and doesn't clean up all the time... so we begin negative comments... So I have go to tell myself that I need to praise his strengths and catch him being good. I try not to complain about my own negative ADD issues...

only fair to start with me....

I guess it's only fair to start this story with me...
I was a child who grew up loving nature and the outdoors... I would get interested in many fads... or subjects... and spend most of my time... only doing those things.. and neglecting other areas of study or work... I have found out recently that I have adult A.D.H.D. I was never a hyper child... but I did chat incessantly... I found out this year ... that my interests and my son's interest in one subject... is called being Hyper focused.. ( more on this later)
I learned two years ago that I had an inherited neurological syndrome characterized by easy distractiability, low tolerance for frustration or boredom, a greater than average tendency to say or do whatever came to mind...( learned this was impulsively) and a predilection for situations of high intensity....I have learned that there are some advantages to having ADHD... high energy, intuitiveness, creativity and enthusiasm and Passion... which I can admit I have ....
In school... I had much trouble... not with disruptive behavior but with math facts, spelling, handwriting.... and sentence structure.. My grandmother would be exhausted after working with me for hours on homework that should have taken 30 minutes.
So when the veil was lifted 2 years ago...and I began to learn... why I have had so much trouble with "simple" organization and challenges... I realized... my son was going to have a long hard road ahead of him... unless I became a solider in his fight for his success in school and life.

welcome

Have you ever been so overwhelmed with parenting your special needs child that you find yourself in a closet alone... crying...? or driving and crying... If you have this blog may be a beacon of hope for you... This blog will be filled with personal stories about my son. My son has neurofibromatosis and he was just diagonosed with A.d.h.d..
I will discuss topics such as parenting... occupational therapy... nutrition, ADHD