Jack-0-lantern...jaggedness

So... I have to do it... I have to talk about how my husband's parenting and zero tolerance... is frustrating and upsetting the family. My husband.. tries at many things.. but parenting is a struggle.. He had a son before we were married.. and he had difficulties there... and he struggled...to bond with him.. He is a name caller, my husband... and that is a quality.. that upsets me. HE is always telling my son... think about it.. do you have a brain in there???? or Do you have to have a fit about everything???? I say things I wish I didn't at times.. but my husband is a constant.. and he tells my son... I don't like being with you if you can't listen and do as I say... Tough love????




Jaggedness- means something irregular like a bump or a crack in a smooth place or object.. I felt like tonight's pumpkin carving... became Jaggedness...in a metaphorical way. My son and I had had a good day... I had taken him out early from school and took him to a Leo Lionni puppet show.. and we had done homework with little problems... and rode bike's with few frustrations.. but the Jack-o-lantern... carving is always hard,... I had a plan.. my son would do all the dots... with those tools.. and I would do the sawing with the blades.. my husband...kept yelling and complaining... to my son..
It made my son upset....and my son said.."why did you invite daddy to carve with us." so sad to hear a 5 year old say that.. I said," I don't have to invite daddy he lives here... he wanted to help." My son said," He didn't help."...I know it's important to include him... and sometimes without me.. and I try...but then my husband...tells me I can't spend time with him I have no patience for his many meltdowns....and antics....I have my husband come to all the doctors when he can... but he still has trouble.. with the diagnosis...
I have tried to give him tips for success
* I try to have predictable schedules
* I try to structure everything
*I try to prepare my mind, my workspace... and any problems that could happen ahead of time.
*I try to not go on long explanations to my husband or son... but a short speech
*I have to pay attention to sensory input.. noise, smell, lighting....for my son.. as he acts differently... depending on these...
*I have tried to teach my son and husband coping strategies... for anxiety provoking events.. but I am still learning...
*I try to be organized... but remember I have ADHD... so it's tough
*I try to have my son and husband do things together like gardening... harvesting... etc... and I try for my husband to see my son's strengths....
Recently a health care worker asked me what my son's strengths are... and I couldn't think of any.....? I was so embarrassed and upset with myself.. I know all his deficits... but I love him.. just the same. She said,"what about his willingness to get on the bus without tears... from the first day on.. and to come here.. and visit with me alone...I agreed... and then told her he has a terrific memory.. and he loves adventure.. and he separates well... so finally I thought of some.

SO if you are carving a pumpkin into a Jack-o-lantern with your ADHD child.. I hope you have no jaggedness.. and just a smooth... pumpkin with a great face....

brew

It is time for me to get a recipe out...



a recipe of how to handle the new seasons of my son's life in Kindergarten, as he deals with transition, medicine... and symptoms of A.D.H.D and NF1.
I need to get my spices in order.....
For this new brew... I will need
Patience- with his behavior as he adjusts to new things
Gratitude - that his NF1 is at bay.. for now.. Nf1 brings a list of concerns for me.. but I try hard to put it in a comfortable place in my mind...
Celebration- I will pick this spice up more often.. and try to celebrate more of his milestones..first bus ride, first field trip without me.. first hit over the fence in baseball.
research- I always over use this spice...but I feel it helps me be a proactive parent.
Lots of instinct- I think mother's do a lot on instinct...and I will use a lot of it in this new fall brew.

I will mix all these ingredients together to get a sweet smelling and savory mix.
The mix with be me making the magic of my son's interests of the week...taste great to us.. as a family...
I will give him extra hugs... and try to limit the yelling
I will try not to obsessively dwell on his future or shortcomings... or what could happen.. and just relax and have a nice taste of the brew... and all it has to offer...

chaos or calm

I spend lots of time thinking about animals and parenting... My son loves to ask me about what animals "parent" and what lay eggs or give birth and go. Swallows.. stay and help the babies for awhile...



I believe... salmon and snakes are suppose to just go with instinct to survive.. Being a mother.. especially a mother of a special needs child.. be it down syndrome...www.kellehampton.com this is a mother of 2 girls.. who has over 6,000 followers.. and appeared on CNN after she announced on her blog.. that her 2nd daughter had downs, and she did not know till she was born.. she humanizes the syndrome.. and is a joy to visit every day. but there are others...

a mother of a daughter with chiari malformation, syringomyelia, amblyopia...
http://haileyagainstallodds.blogspot.com

some only a child like my son with Adhd.. http://adhdmomma.blogspot.com or many other things that make your child a special needs child... it becomes harder and harder to just let them use their instincts... We have created a complex culture...so I turn to experts... to help with some of my worry and questions.. and I turn to other blogs.. the above ladies.. have helped me.. Because my son also has Neurofibromatois... www.ctf.org. and so he could get tumors ... on his face.. internally... and it can be life threatening... I try not to think about this... I do think about how children would be mean and cruel to him... if he was "different" looking.. People need to embrace differences...
This blog is a place for a.d.h.d mom's or special need mom's to come .. or anyone.. but don't come and give us your sympathy or your sadness.. come and share with us and be happy... in the life we have created...no matter how difficult.. I am not saying you can't rant or rave a little.. that is healthy.. I believe...
I know a special needs mom can feel her life is a life of chaos.. Household chaos, school chaos.. family chaos.. but I hope to be able to learn from these bloggers and from my experiences... that the emotional drain of a chaotic household... needs to stop at times... and we need to stop issuing ultimatums, and barking directions... and understand... the reality of having an unpredictable child.. My son is emotionally volatility.. he gets frustrated easily.. depressed and angry.. so I try to keep him interested with walks, hikes, crafts.. and new experiences.